Letting tears flow - it’s Ok to cry
“Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive.” - Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
Change brings turmoil. It’s not always easy to explain, understand, sit with. So many emotions, thoughts, stories. There are plenty days of hope, but there are also days when you just want to cry.
In the book, Another Door Opens, I share the story of tears at our sports day…
After a local sports day, I was reminded just how instinctive tears are. My daughter and her friend, both highly competitive, had wound each other up before the races. There were wins, there were losses, and of course, there were tears. As parents, we sometimes dread those moments. We want to protect them from the pain of losing. But is it really so wrong to feel sad when something matters and it doesn’t go the way we hoped? Isn’t that feeling part of learning resilience, fairness, effort, and disappointment?
Maybe we’ve become too quick to judge tears, to wipe away tears, our own and others. Maybe, instead, it’s okay to let them fall.
The Science Behind Tears
A Harvard Health study found that women cry an average of 3.5 times a month, men about 1.9. Yet so often we cry in secret, maybe a shame that tears equal weakness or failure. Or sometimes because it’s our own private moment and space. Biologically, and emotionally, crying can be a healthy thing to do.
Crying…
Reduces stress by flushing out stress hormones and toxins
Releases oxytocin and endorphins, our natural feel-good chemicals
Activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping us calm and self-soothe
Builds connection, especially when we allow ourselves to be witnessed by trusted others
In my group programmes, it’s not uncommon that our work begins with a communal cry, a release that instantly softens tension and deepens connection. Tears can act like a purgative, a natural pressure valve. Without them, emotions can build, harden, and eventually spill out in more destructive ways.
Not All Tears Are the Same
Reflex tears keep our eyes clean and healthy. Emotional tears, the ones linked to joy, grief, frustration, love, and overwhelm, help us process and reset.
But there are also “watch-out” tears, when crying becomes constant, unexplained, or disproportionate. When a jammed dishwasher or a smashed mug leads to a complete emotional collapse. These moments often signal that something deeper needs attention: prolonged stress, burnout, menopause, a life change, a mid-life unravelling, or the quiet exhaustion of parenting.
And equally important: the absence of tears. When we are numb, detached, or unable to cry even when we want to—this can be a sign of depression or emotional shutdown. That’s when support from a therapist or doctor may be essential.
Crying Means You Care
Tears are often a sign that something matters. My daughter and her friend cried because they cared about winning. You might cry because you care about your work, your relationships, your identity, your future.
We don’t need to stop tears, we just need to understand them. They might be part of your healing, part of your processing, part of your growth. Or they might signal that you need support.
You Have Permission to Cry
We live in a culture that rushes to fix tears, to hush them, to make them disappear. We mean well, we want others to be okay. But it’s perfectly valid to say, “I’m alright… I just need to cry.”
Let the drops roll if they need to. Let the emotion move through you instead of holding it in. Let the release be part of navigating this in-between space you’re in.
Are you letting your tears flow?