We all need to get better at our Change Mastery

Most of us only really think about “change” when something shifts suddenly in our lives. A job ends. A relationship breaks down. A door closes and we’re forced into a new chapter. In those moments, we scramble to adjust, adapt, and find our footing again. I constantly get people saying “I’m not really going through change at the moment, but know where to come if I do”. We are all going through change, all the time, everyday. Whether we acknowledge it or not is the issue.

So I sit with the ponder ‘what if we didn’t wait until the door closed?’ What if we worked on our change muscles every day, so that when life inevitably shifts (micro changes and macro changes), we’re not knocked completely off balance?

Change isn’t just an event, it’s a skill. And like any skill, it gets stronger with practice.

I call this idea change mastery. It’s not about controlling everything around us, because we can’t. It’s about learning how to navigate transitions, big or small, with a little more steadiness, calmness, even joy, so we see opportunity. So you don’t have to wait for a crisis to start practicing. You can use the process of moving through change any time using five steps to think through: Pause, Mess, Play, Try, Restart.

Pause – Where am I at?

Before anything else, stop. Take a breath. Notice where you are. We often rush headfirst into problem-solving without pausing to locate ourselves. This simple step grounds us. Sometimes just naming your state helps you shift it. Other times, the pause is what prevents you from spiraling into panic or denial. Think of it as taking your bearings before setting out on a journey.

Ask: What’s happening right now? Where am I at emotionally, physically, mentally? What do I need right now?

Mess – What am I feeling about it?

Change is messy. It stirs up emotions, fear, frustration, excitement, grief, relief. The “mess” is the honest acknowledgement of all of that. It’s tempting to tidy it away quickly, to tell ourselves we’re fine, or to skip ahead to the solutions. But allowing yourself to sit in the mess gives your feelings space to be processed instead of pushed down. It’s an opportunity to start to get to know '‘new you’.

Ask: What am I really feeling about this? What’s messy here? What am I learning about myself?

Play – What are my options?

Once you’ve acknowledged where you are and how you feel, you can begin to imagine. Play is about curiosity. Play takes the pressure off getting it “right.” It opens up space for creativity, experimentation, and possibility. Sometimes, even in small day-to-day changes, this step can reveal options you didn’t think were available.

Ask: What are my options (even the wild ones)? What if…? What other ways are there of seeing this, solving this?

Try – What am I going to try?

At some point, our exploration and ideas move into - why don’t I give it a go. “Try” is where you make a choice, however small, and make a move. It could be trying a new habit, trialling an idea, reaching out to someone, shifting how you show up in a meeting, or simply deciding to own your attitude about the situation.

Ask: What can I try without stress? What do I have energy for? What small step could I make today?

Restart – how am i going to own this?

Restart is the moment to decide to own it, intentionally. It becomes the way things get done. It becomes your focus. You know what to say no to, what to say yes to. Sometimes its not about what you do but how you do it - so youre starting is about how new you shows up, even if you still dont have all the answers. Maybe you restart with a calmer mindset. Or with more patience. Or with renewed energy. Each restart is an opportunity to refine your approach.

Ask: What am I choosing to own? How am I being intentional? What are my big Yeses, and Big Nos?

Practicing Change Before You Need It

The beauty of these steps is that you don’t need a big life event to use them. You can practice on small changes: adjusting to a new routine, learning a skill, navigating a tough conversation. Each time you cycle through Pause, Mess, Play, Try, Restart, you build your capacity.

So when that inevitable door does close, you’re not starting from shock. You’ve already been strengthening your change muscles. You’re more resilient, more adaptable, and more grounded in yourself.

Change mastery doesn’t mean you’ll always find it easy. It means you’ll be better equipped to walk through the uncertainty with courage, curiosity, and intention.

Change is not waiting for us at the next closed door. Change is happening every day.