The gift of cliche, give cliches a chance

There are a few moments in your life when you feel surrounded by clichés.

Getting married, being single, having a baby, getting divorced, being burgled, moving house, being made redundant. Life stuff. Cliches happen in conversation when you share who you are, something that’s happened to you, something that’s happening to you… just general chat, and the person receiving sends back a pre-formatted response.

It’s a bit like the human form of IFTTT (If this then that App, if you’ve not heard of IFTTT look it up, it might solve one of your tech issues today!); if I say this, you say that.

Let’s play the game.

I say “I’ve got a cold” you say…

“There is a lot of it going round”

I say “My house was burgled” you say …

“My neighbour’s cousin was burgled a few years ago too, terrible, hope they didn’t take much”

“Cliché saves us from thinking” Russell Brand

Most cliche givers means well. Their advice is drawn from set pieces, well-trodden paths, and as Russell Brand says ‘things that people say when they cant think quick enough to say anything else’.

It’s painful to hear because it doesn’t feel its offering much. Cliches carry little comfort, wisdom or advice. And often cliches are totally untrue, or at least the sentiment is not true.

‘Everything happens for a reason’. Technically speaking, true. But the sentiment is everything happens for a (good) reason. That cant be true. Illness, death, disasters… really? They all happen for a good reason? I know this is opening up to a bigger debate on our purpose, and reasons we are all here - way out scope on this blog today. But for now, this suggests we have to accept what happens, and be happy about it. Rather than suggest choice…

So rather ‘Stuff happens and you can choose to try to find something good out of it, but this does not take away the fact that stuff has happened’ … not as catchy I know!

“‘Everything happens for a reason – no it doesn’t, sometimes shit happens and you are left trying to deal will the crap that follows and eventually you might make the best of it. You make a reason to make it better. I hated the cliches. They really got to me.” Andi

Accepting the gift of cliche

You start to tell people you’ve been made redundant. It’s a big step to start saying those words out loud. For some it feels like you are telling the world ‘oh hello, I’m a bit shit, I’ve been caught out, so they’ve sacked me, nice to meet you.’ And then the response; seven out of ten times it will be a cliche.

After a while cliches starts to eat into your energy. It feels like lazy conversations that have no depth or value and certainly offer you no help or support. Each time a cliche is dished out a little bit of ‘Hope Rock’ is chipped away.

However.

Lets think about that.

What were you hoping to hear when you tell people?

“Oh sorry to hear that, come and work for me”

“Congratulations you’ve won the lottery!”

“I wondered how long until they found you out”

Most people are just trying to do their best, and they really do want to say something that can help and support you.

As frustrating and down hearting as it can be, it’s not about the response of the person. It’s about where you are right at that moment. And the things you want to receive, and the things you want to block.

If you are in ‘shock’ (whatever form that takes), then you are probably not ready to think about a positive outcome. You are still wallowing, and not only that, you are getting used to wallowing. You do not want to hear there maybe a good solution, and you do not want to hear someone trivialising your situation with, what sounds like, throw away comments.

So, how do you turn a cliche into a gift?

You have a choice what to do with any words dished out at you - good, bad and ugly. You can take them in and embrace them, you can take them in and let them distract you or you can blow them away.

Most clichés come from the right place, people want to help, they want to empathise but when stuck for things to say clichés are an automated, safe option.

Most of the time they are a form of someone offering up a bit of hope. So, open yourself up to accepting that bit of hope, and acknowledging that cliche is in fact support, and that person has signalled they are on your side.

Take the cliche in, and use it. Use it to help you smile, use it to help you refocus, use it to help you get on with life.

Don’t take in the cliche and then waste energy on it, get annoyed by it, talk about for the next few days.

Ok, I said ‘most of the time’ people have your back. Some people might not. They genuinely don't care - and that’s fine, its their prerogative, they might have their own life shizzle going on.

If people don’t have your back blow the cliche away. Don’t take it in.

People who don’t have your back…

‘Oh well. Life goes on’

‘Shit happens’

‘Lots of people get made redundant’

Cliches are important to deal with because if you attach a negative feeling to something which is there as support, it will keep you feeling stuck. It might even make you feel worse. So an early rethink of cliches can save a lot of wasted time and energy getting frustrated by the wrong things.

I remember the day someone said to me ‘ ah well, when one door closes, another door opens…’. I remember my thoughts on hearing this cliche gift.

I can not type my thoughts.

They are not healthy.

I remember as that person walked away, off to sit in their cosy seat, in their cosy office, to carry on with their cosy job - that they’d managed to keep, I remember thinking bad thoughts - all afternoon. That afternoon did not contribute much to me moving into a more positive position.

Was it cliche gifter’s fault? No. Mine.

And once I got over myself, and blew away the cliche, I kept a small part of it. In amongst the frustration, my usual curious mind wondered ‘what is that saying all about’. I googled it. I disappeared down a rabbit hole reading about Alexander Graham Bell.

And a small idea appeared…

From frustration, annoyance, hope, Googling, reading, an idea to a business!

We’ve all dished up the odd cliche at one time or another. Cliches are mostly delivered with the intent to support and show empathy.

The next time a cliche comes to greet you, choose. Choose to blow it away, spend no more time on it, let it go and get on with your vibe, or choose to let it in, embrace it, take its intention onboard.

Embrace that cliche!

eleanor

The Another Door Club supports people who have been made redundant or feel stuck.