Comparison is the thief of joy Theodore Roosevelt said.

It is. But bloody hell it’s hard.

Comparison is the thief of joy Theodore Roosevelt 2.jpg

That feeling when you see someone doing something that you want to do, that you are doing, that you should be doing.

What is that feeling? Is it jealousy, envy, frustration.

Is it a reminder of how badly you are doing, of what a mess you are making of things, of all your inadequacy?

Or. And this is even more annoying…

Or. Is it a reminder that it’s possible? That the thing you are trying to do. It’s possible.

If someone else is doing it, then there is a chance you can too.

Stay in your lane they say.

But sometimes that lane is a lonely place.

Sometimes the lane feels like the wrong lane. Like its the lane for other people. Like the lane for big arctic lorries, taking big important things to big important destinations. What am I doing in this lane with my small scooter that I’m just learning to ride, barely keeping upright?

Well. I guess what I’m doing is exactly whatever I want to. And how I’m responding is how I want to. And how I’m reacting and feeling is how I want to.

Musicians don’t not make music because The Beatles did it first. Artists don’t stop creating paintings because Picasso seemed to be nailing it. Athletes don’t stop training because they aren’t Usain Bolt.

They want to create. They feel they have to. What else would they be doing? They get inspired by what went before and what they believe the future will be.

On their terms.

So why did Theodore and his words of wisdom appear in my head this week?

Because there have been a few big (I think are big) names who launched workshops helping people through redundancy. Because a few people keep posting about how much money they are making right now (and I’m not). Because I felt tired and I didn’t rest, I kept pushing when I should’ve stopped. So I let things in.

Other people’s stuff can make my stuff feel hard.

But I’ve done the work. I get it. I know its just a feeling not a fact. I’ve written a whole chapter on it, in a real book, that’s coming out in a few months. But that doesn’t make that feeling just go away.

You have to catch it.

Catch your thought, your feeling, your reaction. And hold it and look at it and say what’s going on here? What am I doing? What can I learn? Where is my energy and focus going?

And also.

This week my book went on pre-order on Amazon. Much excitement eh!? But also a weird feeling happened. I felt guilty. I felt like I might be that twat that makes people feel shit. That makes people feel like they aren’t good enough. I don’t want anyone to feel shit because of me – so what do I do? Not do anything?

Or do something. Write about it – share.

Share that maybe we all have these moments of comparison paranoia. Comparison distraction. Comparison derailment. Comparison noises in our heads.

It’s complicated. That feeling we get when we see others doing stuff that we want to do. It’s a mix of emotions. How that person is making us feel.