The feeling of wanting to quit is normal, it might mean something, it might not.
“The idea that winners never quit is both overly simplistic and completely false. Most successful people have ‘quit’ several times.” - Paul Jarvis, Company of One
Let’s exploring quitting. Although quitting might come up a lot in the process of ending, it’s part of the process of starting. Even when you really, really want something, you might find yourself thinking, a lot, about quitting. Even when you are succeeding.
If you have the feeling of ‘am I quitting’ just know that it’s both complicated and simple. And you can have a relationship with ‘quitting’ where it is a good thing. You might need to quit. In fact you do need to quit things to make room for the new. It’s that which makes it feels complicated. But a simple view is to acknowledge the feeling of wanting to quit is normal, it might mean something, it might not.
The feeling of quitting
Let’s start exploring quitting with where you are right now. Does that word come up in your thoughts? Like an oversized towel tumbling around in the washing machine, do these thoughts crash around in your mind - Have I quit too soon? Did I do right by quitting? Should I quit? I want to quit.
But quit what? We have a tangled relationship with things ending. It’s like everything that ends is a bad thing. If we change it means failure. Let’s just catch that now. Changing your mind, a refocus, is not a bad thing. It’s just a different thing.
If you decided to create change and quit this is power to you. More often we quit because we have to, it’s the next right path. It’s not giving up or being a drop out. Or any other connotation that gets thrown around.
Knowing when to quit might be the greatest superpower you ever have! Knowing when it’s time to call this chapter in your life is liberating. It’s terrifying, yes. But it’s a moment when you have full control of your decision, you might not know what happens next, but right now you know exactly what you must do.
Knowing what you need to quit
Quitting isn’t reserved for the macro changes in life. Quitting can be the small things that you know you have to let go of to allow the changes you want.
It can be quitting the thoughts in your head - quit being negative, quit beating yourself up, quit thinking you can’t do it, quit feeling angry, quit the thinking you’ve failed.
It can be the habits you know you need to give up – quit smoking, quit drinking, quit overeating, quit scrolling.
It can be deep rooted beliefs that we think we know for sure – quit believing that’s life, quit thinking you aren’t the kind of person these things happen for, quit chasing something that isn’t serving you.
As you navigate change, note the things you know you need to quit to make space for the big and the small changes that will matter to you.
Quitting well
The first port of call is to make sure you aren’t just tired. Tired, fed up, had enough – it might be a moment to say enough, it might be the moment to say I need a break I don’t want to feel like this anymore. This is where pausing steps in. Just a little bit of time out. Even an hour of just allowing your thoughts to ponder the question while going for a walk.
As Banksy once said (or maybe scribbled? Or maybe didn’t say at all, just one of these things the internet has decided to be true) “If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.”
We think it’s all over when it doesn’t work out, but let’s challenge that. What really is quitting? Is it giving up? By the very nature of life, in that it just keeps going regardless if we want it to or not, we can’t ever ‘quit’. Each day we have to get up again and do something. Quitting isn’t ever an option. Doing things differently is.
But in this pacy world of wanting everything today, the quest for that instant hit we get from ‘success’, if we don’t get what we want immediately we believe it’s failure, and what do we do if we are failing, we quit. But what if you just need a pause, a break, a moment to think, reflect, do nothing – just rest.
The Banksy (if it was Banksy) quote suggests that it’s not even failure that makes us quit, its being tired. So tired of chasing, of trying, of wanting. But if we just ease back, take the foot off the escalator for a moment, slow down, maybe an intentional pause is just what we need.
So that we don’t wear ourselves out before we’ve even begun. We know that we need a break, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. When a door closes, it might just be about resting, and that’s ok.
If you feel like you’ve quit, and given up, change that notion to one of you’ve given yourself a break, to reset, and go again.
Annie Duke, in her book Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away, says that quitting is often misunderstood as a failure, but it can actually be “a highly strategic and necessary decision”. She challenges the “societal stigma around quitting, which stems from a cultural bias that values perseverance at all costs, even when persistence leads to diminishing returns”. She emphasises that learning to quit effectively can free us from bad investments, open up opportunities for better pursuits, and improve overall decision-making.
Here are some takeaways from the book, and some insights which might help you think about your relationship with quitting, and if you feel like you want to quit, might help make that decision.
Why quitting can be a good thing
Minimises Losses: Annie explains that sticking with a bad decision often compounds losses. Quitting allows you to cut your losses and redirect time, energy, and resources toward more rewarding endeavors.
Opportunity Cost: Continuing with something suboptimal prevents you from pursuing better options. Quitting can help maximise opportunities by making room for activities or goals that align more closely with your values or circumstances.
Cognitive and Emotional Freedom: Quitting removes the mental and emotional burden of sticking with something that isn’t working, freeing you to focus on decisions with greater potential.
Why we struggle to quit
Sunk Cost Fallacy: People often continue with a decision because they’ve already invested time, money, or effort, even if the likelihood of success is minimal. Annie references behavioral economics research showing that this cognitive bias prevents rational decision-making.
Loss Aversion: The work of psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky explains that people fear losses more than they value gains, which discourages quitting even when it’s the better choice.
Identity and Social Pressure: Quitting can feel like a threat to our identity or reputation. Society often celebrates grit and resilience, making it harder to let go without feeling judged.
Useful prompts to help you rethink
Behavioral economics: Annie uses the work of Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, particularly their research on prospect theory, which illustrates how humans irrationally weigh potential losses more heavily than equivalent gains. So watch out if you find yourself thinking about more about the losses, and try to balance what you will be gaining when making a decision.
Survivorship bias: We tend to glorify stories of persistence that lead to success while ignoring countless examples where quitting was the wiser choice. Watch out for those stories of persistence despite everything saying it might not have been the best choice. That message of ‘keep going’ - only you can decide if that’s right for you.
Pre-mortem planning : Try playing with what it looks like if you quit. Whats the best that can happen? What’s the worst?
Kill criteria: It might be useful to set yourself some moments, milestones, non-negotiables that when you get to that place it’s time to quit.
Play with these ideas to help counteract emotional and cognitive biases, making quitting a deliberate and strategic act rather than a reactive one.
By redefining quitting as a skill, Annie’s book empowers us to make better decisions that prioritise long-term success and well-being over societal expectations of perseverance.
Some things to think about -
What is your relationship with quitting? Is it failure? Is it part of progress?
What are your refence points to inform your view?
Are you thinking about quitting? How significant is it?
How can you help yourself decide?
Quitting can be good, bad, indifferent - there is one thing for sure, it’s up to you to own quitting, you get to decide if you quit, how you quit, why you quit.