Why knowing that you might never get 'there' will make you feel better

The first time I got made redundant (yes I’m an expert at being out of work) it was ok, sort of. The people who ‘helped’ me leave were incredibly supportive and I had a great line manager. So things were handled as well as they could be. I still got a bit lost. And wasn’t really sure what to do next. But after thrashing around in the World of applications & interviews, I gave up and took off on a 3 week backpack around Cuba.

I just couldn’t think about ‘me’ anymore.

On that plane, my next opportunity would come to me. I wondered about working for Virgin Atlantic.

I never gave it another thought as I navigated public (ish) buses and restaurants (ish) food and hotel (ish) rooms in Cuba.

As the plane landed after 3 weeks indulging in thinking about nothing, nothing except immediate requirements of travel, food and roof over head, thoughts returned to work. That sinking feeling, but not sinking feeling…’what if’ I thought.

A voice message from a recruiter greeted me on arrival… “can you get to Crawley tomorrow to talk to an airline about a role?” .

And of course I could (even though it meant a quick journey to my then home of Birmingham, and back to Crawley). And got the job. And joined Virgin Atlantic, and would be there for the next 5 years.

Every day I passed a big sign in the office saying ‘Some say Why, I say Why Not?’ Richard. I was living my best life. It was a dream ( I never knew I had) come true.

The next time I was made redundant things got a bit more muddled. Family had added a new dimension. I could no longer just take opportunities, and taking off for 3 weeks was definitely not an option. Other things had to be considered.

But I remembered the power of exploring and being open to opportunity. I signed up to a Life Coaching seminar. It was called something like ‘Find Your Purpose and True You’. I had no idea what any of that meant but thought… ‘why not’.

I had no idea what this lovely lady was talking about. 'Find your purpose? Like what the F have I then been doing all these years? Was I actually meant to be doing something and nobody told me?

At one point she said ‘close your eyes, if you could be doing anything right now, if you had no fear of consequences, no fear of things going wrong, no risks, no failure… what would you be doing right now?

Smoking.

That’s what popped into my head… and mortifyingly out of my mouth.

It might’ve come from a slight uncomfortable feeling about all this and much resistance around the subject. It might’ve come from an actual real want - when I was out of work, I really wanted to smoke! I didn’t. But the thought of having something to disrupt the day, that I could just sit and get some fresh air, while I ponder. That’s what I wanted.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it.

But back to finding my true, non smoking, self.

I had thought life was just about doing your best, finding your way around making a living, trying to enjoy yourself, getting drunk, doing something you might be good at and getting paid for it.

So why do we need more than that?

Because maybe eventually it does serve its purpose anymore. And it gets dull. And you wake up one morning and think ‘is this it?’. There has got to be another, more interesting, way to live.

So maybe there was something in all this find yourself stuff. But the overwhleming-ness of having to have a ‘Why’ and a meaningful life kind of put me off thinking about it for a very long time.

So can we all find ‘purpose & meaning’? Maybe there is a simpler way to look at it. That where we want to get to is to just be ‘here’. And be happy with being ‘here’. And endless searching for things and meaning can actually wear so out even more!

We all have reasons for doing what we do. Some people have big missions in life, others have reasons closer to home. Its all our reasons for doing what we do, and personal to us. And that’s ok.

Where do we want to go? What do we want? What do we need right now? are all good questions, that we should keep asking ourselves. It’s when you realise you have become disconnected with your ‘here’.

So its ok to not have a big huge scary mission led goal. Right here is maybe exactly where you need to be.

Being happy with where you are right now is the goal. And if you work on that, ‘getting there’ to wherever you want to go will be much easier.

Its ok to meander and try stuff, and fail.

Right now, I’m not sure I could tell you my purpose. And I keep trying stuff. Because it interests me, and because I want to, not because anyone else wants me to, or because I think I should.

And these days, I do sit outside every morning, and ponder, and feel a bit better by starting the day with a little bit of hope (but without a B&H hanging out of my mouth)

So take the pressure off yourself to solve the World’s problems. You don’t have to do that today. You can just be kind, be nice to someone, help someone, try a new idea, do nothing, do something. Just do your best.

And we don’t have to worry about how we are going to get there, because we are already here.

eleanor